'Ultimate dream' is marriage. But pope's approval of blessings for LGBTQ couples is a start

Blessing gay people is nothing new to the Rev. Paul Rospond, though the Catholic Church only formally declared priests could bless same-sex couples earlier this week. 

Rospond, who is chaplain of Out at St. Paul, the LGBTQ ministry of Manhattan's St. Paul Church, blessed two men following the 5 p.m. Mass after they were married at City Hall two years ago, praying that the newlyweds would help each other be disciples of Christ. Earlier this year, he also blessed a few couples in a session about sharing faith and spirituality in a relationship. He plans to bless more couples now that the church officially approves.

“It’s a work in progress,” Rospond told USA TODAY. “It’s only in the past generation that the church has actually seen and recognized that there are gay people who are faithful Catholics.”

Since Pope Francis declared ordained ministers could give blessings on Monday, priests friendly to the LGBTQ community have been fielding requests by same-sex couples. Meli Barber, an Indianapolis-based social worker and lifelong Catholic, said she has already reached out to her priest, who agreed to bless Barber and her wife.

“My ultimate dream is to one day have our marriage validated in the Catholic Church, but along the way, we definitely do plan to have a blessing,” Barber said.

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What does the Vatican announcement really mean?

When a priest or church leader blesses something, they are making it holy, asking for God’s assistance, presence or love. Animals, cars and even sports teams are often blessed.

It’s a familiar gesture for some Catholics. The declaration for same-sex couples, as well as people in what the church called other “irregular relationships,” such as divorced and remarried, applies to pastoral blessings, experts say.

“In many ways, this declaration, this document, is really a life-affirming gesture from Pope Francis, and obviously from the Catholic Church,” said Michelle Loris, a professor and director of the Center for Catholic Studies at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut. “It acknowledges and embraces the LGBTQ community in a way that the church has not done in thousands of years.”

The declaration says that such blessings should be given “spontaneously” − and gives guidelines prohibiting any appearance of a wedding. Couples can’t wear traditional wedding clothes, for example, during a blessing. And significantly: The church is still firm that the sacrament of marriage can only be between a man and a woman.

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Blessings are not something couples would be able to sign up for the way they would a baptism, said Francis DeBernardo, executive director of New Ways Ministry.

DeBernardo said spontaneity is key to understanding the declaration. For example, a priest could decide to bless a same-sex couple he was counseling on spiritual or relationship issues. Or a couple could receive a blessing during a retreat or pilgrimage, he said.

DeBernardo said the practice could also evolve over time. 

David Gibson, the director of Fordham University’s Center on Culture and Religion in New York, said the declaration recognizes that couples who are divorced and remarried − as well as gay couples − are like straight, married couples in a key way in the eyes of God: All are sinners in need of blessings.

“There’s so much focus on blessing same-sex couples,” Gibson said. “But in a way, paradoxically, this document reduces the focus on gay couples and puts them on the same plane as the rest of us.”

'I was Catholic before I realized I was gay'

When Barber, 38, heard the news that same-sex couples could officially receive blessings, she was thrilled. But, she said, her reaction was “measured.”

“I'm really excited to hear this. I also know it's not marriage, which is, of course, what we're working toward,” Barber said. 

Barber is the president of DignityUSA, an organization that focuses on LGBTQ inclusion in the church. She said she and her wife, Carli Stevenson, have been in a relationship for a decade and got married in an Episcopal church six years ago. But it’s been her dream to have her marriage accepted by the Catholic Church. 

She said both her faith and her sexuality are important parts of who she is, and it’s the people of the church that have made her feel welcome even when the institution did not. 

“I've been Catholic my whole life. I was Catholic before I realized I was gay,” Barber said. “There has always been a real commitment to figuring out how these things could work together.”

Barber said she hopes the church will ultimately recognize that a loving same-sex marriage like hers can be just like any other Catholic relationship. 

“My relationship makes me a better person,” she said. “My wife is helping me get to heaven.”

Will changes Francis makes endure after his papacy?

Sister Jeannine Gramick’s phone and email have been buzzing for days since the announcement; she's been blessing same-sex couples for about a decade. 

Nearly 50 years ago, Gramick, 81, founded the New Ways Ministry to advocate for LGBTQ Catholics. The Vatican punished Gramick for her work, including a ministerial ban from Pope John Paul II in 1999.

Despite the ban, Gramick has offered blessings, from gay men with AIDS to a lesbian couple who tied the knot in Maryland after the state legalized same-sex marriage in 2013.

In October, Gramick met with Francis at the Vatican to discuss LGBTQ ministry in the U.S. She said the pope emphasized maintaining hope in her decades-long advocacy.

The pope's Monday declaration does not apply to nuns, experts say. But Gramick is undeterred and said she intends to keep offering blessings to same-sex couples as part of her ministry.

Francis, 87 and 10 years into his pontificate, has emphasized a more tolerant church in his papacy, criticizing laws that criminalize homosexuality and allowing transgender people to be baptized and serve as godparents in certain circumstances.

Experts say it’s likely his influence is here to stay. While subsequent popes could rescind Monday’s declaration on couples, Julie Rubio, a professor of Christian social ethics at the Jesuit School of Theology at Santa Clara University, said that like U.S. law, precedent matters in the church. The latest announcement builds on the meaning of blessings, she said.

“The change happens through the tradition,” she said. “And that’s what you’re seeing right now.”

Polling has shown most Catholics in Western Europe and the U.S. – nearly 70% – support the legalization of gay marriage, according to a 2020 Gallup survey.

“This is the hope that so many Catholic lesbian and gay couples that I know have had,” Gramick said. “And now their hope is materialized.”